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Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent : A Guide for Stressed-Out Children, by Grace Lebow
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About the Author
Grace Lebow and Barbara Kane, the co-founders of Aging Network Services of Bethesda, Maryland, are clinical social workers and care managers, specializing in older people and their families. They created a nationwide network of similar professionals to work with geographically separated families. This is their first book.
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Product details
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; 1 edition (February 1, 1999)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 038079750X
ISBN-13: 978-0380797509
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 0.5 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.3 out of 5 stars
178 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#34,107 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I thought I was the only person who had impossible parents with unrealistic demands and expectations of their children. Just by reading the preview, I was able to determine that, far from being alone, there were many others with problems so similar that whole chapters were devoted to said problems and potential solutions. It was a relief to know that I wasn't alone, and that there were concrete steps I could take to make things better. Most of the solutions worked, but, sadly, my parents seem to be uniquely creative in coming up with new and unusual problems to stress me out! I wish the authors would write Volume 2 -- "New ways of Coping with Weirdly Difficult Parents," or "How Can Two 84-year-olds Cause So Much Trouble?"
I just couldn't get past the part where they stressed how important it was for me to "understand" where my parent was coming from. My parent is narcissistic and incredibly self centered and has wreaked havoc in my and my siblings' lives. I now have to care for her and I needed some guidance, not guilt that if I just tried really hard to grasp what made her that way everything would fall into place. Gah!
This book had my 90 year old mom absolutely pegged, the help I received from this book was so helpful , my mom is still really confrontational, just not with me, she acts out I don't acknowledge it and she stops , this book is full of help, if you have elderly parents that are difficult this book is a must,
The authors of this book have helped me calm down. I was feeling overwhelmed with my elderly parent's demands and pseudo-illnesses. So many trips to the ER for "chest pains" that turned out to be gas and indigestion! But now I can see things from my parent's point of view better, I am setting reasonable boundaries, doing what I can and not stressing about what I can't.One criticism: The authors keep saying that no matter how badly an elderly parents hurts a grownchild, the parent feels worse. Sorry. There are just some very mean people out there, who have no sense of what their cruelty does to others. Not everyone can blame their meanness on childhood trauma. My feeling is, if you have a parent who has treated you with no consideration for most of your life, you don't owe them a thing when they suddenly find themselves old and needful.
a kinder, gentler way to come to grips with taking care of an elderly parent who is a narcisist - a lot of good advice. Let's face it - too late to try to modify their behavior, so focuses on modifying your behavior so you can be a good caregiver for this type of person.
I looked for a book that would be respectful and insightful. This book discusses possible deep rooted causes for difficult behaviors. There were many role playing scenarios, both our usual reactive responses when our buttons are pushed, and more productive scenarios that are not dismissive, angry, or resentful, permitting us the choice to not be drawn into the same old dramas. By acknowledging and validating the feelings, our loved ones do not feel dismisses. We also have the choice to set reasonable healthy boundaries, without guilt, which allow us to enjoy desirable interactions (think happy times) and outsource some of the less rewarding, but draining needs, like grocery shopping. This is just the book I needed. It is for those seeking skills and understanding. It is not advice on legal matters related to eldercare, nor how to modify a home or choose a nursing home. Having been through an Alzheimer's experience, there may be more targeted resources. I would, however, say this book is of utmost relevance about having a healthy, caring and rewarding relationship. I will recommend this book to all my friends. Thank you to the authors.
One of the most helpful and insightful books to help you transition as your parents age. Being able to read the conversations and have some suggested replies...or ways to rephrase statements really helps to diffuse tense conversations. I appreciated the perspectives and viewpoints shared in the book. I was surprised to find myself nodding and thinking of someone specific as the various types of people were described with best suggestions on how to converse about tender subjects.
A very user friendly and helpful guide for those of us who are dealing with caring for a difficult older parent. Gives great advise on "how to say no", how to seek additional help, possible resources no matter the financial situation and, most important to me, the personality styles of "the difficult ones". I loved the short test in the beginning to help the reader identify "degree" of difficult parent they may be dealing with.I have this on my end table and use it as a constant reference.
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