Download PDF , by Roz Chast
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, by Roz Chast
Download PDF , by Roz Chast
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Product details
File Size: 135984 KB
Print Length: 240 pages
Publisher: Bloomsbury USA; 1 edition (May 6, 2014)
Publication Date: May 6, 2014
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B00JA9JE0Y
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#88,834 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
* As I write this, my 83-year-old dad is withering away in an assisted living facility, riddled with Alzheimer's. Sometimes I want my Dad to die now - because he's unaware of his suffering - and he'd cuss me out if he knew he is turning into what Roz Chast's mother describes as "a pulsating piece of protoplasm." I feel guilty feeling this way - but "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?" makes such forbidden thoughts feel normal.* (BTW, don't buy the Kindle version. This title, with its colorful cartoons and photos - as well as its handsome construction as a hardcover book - truly belongs on your coffee table. I sampled the Kindle version, didn't like it, and bought the hardcover.)* This book feels weirdly clairvoyant. It exposed my doubts, fears and paradoxical feelings about watching my parents die slowly before my eyes. I've read almost everything about the subject of aging and dying. And yet this is the first book that captures the exhausting experience of caring for aging parents, e.g., that it's sometimes gross - (see passages about hoarding, incontinence and "grime") - AND funny - (see "The Wheel of Doom" and Roz Chast's father's obsession with myriad bank books, decades old).* The author's hand-wringing about whether there's going to be enough money to pay for her parents' care is spot on. How long will the money last if they live "X" more years vs. "Y" more years? I do these calculations every month, constantly updating and trying to prepare for the worst. Any savings will be drained by expenses which will have no effect on terminal outcomes. If the daily care and feeding of your parents doesn't kill you - then the avalanche of paperwork and legal stuff that must be done - will.* Hence despite the preference to "talk about something more pleasant," if nothing else, this book demonstrates why planning for our parents' end-of-life care must begin NOW - not later.* I recommend this book for every person who's on the brink of going insane about their aging parents. Give it to caregivers, give it to your siblings, give it to anyone who hates dark subjects - but who can handle them if they're presented in a disarmingly funny style that's accessible - yet still honest. (I don't think I can read another "text-only" book about the "death spiral" of aging parents.)* In sum, "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?" takes the hard edges off some things while inflicting blunt-force traumas about others. Roz Chast nails the impending death of our parents in a way that feels like a landmark work. I know such praise sounds silly given the sea of excellent books out there about aging. But I've never seen this subject presented in an original, humorous and touching way, complete with hand-drawn illustrations and color photos. It avoids the trap of being overly optimistic, forcing us to confront the gruesomeness of mortality - while STILL providing an emotional "lift" about something universal.* This book makes going through one of the darkest periods of my life - feel almost worth it.
There is a saying in the Navy: "any ship can be a minesweeper...once." For those of us not in the medical or elder care professions, dealing with our parents' decline and death is an emotional roller coaster; a harrowing experience. One can't be fully prepared for the emotional, physical and financial challenges. People are living longer, many families are smaller and through jobs and choice we are not always living in the same community with our parents. Chast is very honest about not having lived an idyllic childhood and her parents weren't the best (or worst) role models. Most of us try to do the right things for our parents when we become responsible for their care, and I suspect most of us aren't candidates for sainthood.She crafts a caring and candid portrait of two flawed but colorful people who stood together for nearly 70 years in a rock solid marriage. She is also remarkably honest about her own conflicting emotions.Her parents foibles and phobias, hoarding and occasional irrationality clearly drove their daughter to distraction. Still, they lived well into their 90s on their own terms. The sadness of their ultimate physical and mental decline is only partially absolved by their daughter's fulfilling her duty of care and the hard won insights as she comes to terms with and assists them in their final journey..For those of us who have been through this passage, it is a tale well told. For those who have not, buckle up.
This memoir is so honest (brutally so at times I suppose)and so well told with terrific humor, that I must say if you have an aging parent(s)that you are caring for, concerned about, worry about, wonder about or if you recently lost an elderly parent(s)who you took care of, this book let's you know you aren't alone while allowing you a moment or two to laugh (even through tears). Roz Chast expresses feelings that I think many people (certainly I) have felt during this journey - we simply don't voice them and occasionally feel guilty for having the thoughts. It is good to know that the frustration and other feelings you have at times while dealing with a parent (especially one with dementia) is shared. For me, this book was like having drinks with a good friend. I believe, in the end, Roz showed her deep loving connection in her own perfect way via this book. I think it was expressed in a way her mother would have understood even if a few other reviewers didn't.
My very elderly mother died three weeks ago - her decline was protracted, difficult for her and, despite amazingly intimate and sweet moments, her family caregivers existed in a state of intense anxiety throughout. It was scary and exhausting: distance, travel, physical care, house keeping, intermittent medical crises, facility stays, home health aides, daunting equipment, embarrassing supplies, and always always the adjusting to mother's everbdiminishing strength, reduced mobility, increasing deafness. It all took a toll on us and dismayed our mother. "You are too old to be doing all this!" she would say. And she was right. Had I not been able to get home to Roz Chast's unflinchingly honest book I would never have gotten through this exquisitely sensitive and extremely demanding period. I have passed the book, now threadbare and dog eared, on to another daughter and intend to send a copy to my mother's gerontologist. THANK YOU ROZ CHAST!!!
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